Snowflake Challenge #3

[elliebird]

In your own space, Scream Into the Void. Get it all out.

Maybe not so much screaming as waxing nostalgic for a time when young people weren’t going around screaming “pedophile” at authors.

Nostalgic for a time when Tumblr tags weren’t filled with “r*pe tw” and stupid words like “unalive,” when we didn’t have to bite our tongue and watch what we say so we aren’t dragged through mud because we dare to have an opinion that goes against whatever the morality police are hissing about at the moment.

Nostalgic for writing underage (or RPF or a dozen other things) without having to lock down the fic, moderate comments and disclaim any bashing will be deleted.

I have found a new fandom and for the first time in years, I’m having fun writing and commenting, and engaging. But every time I sit down to write, I censor myself. I want to write loving, sexy porn between a fictional seventeen-year-old and his twenty-one-year-old boyfriend. And it’s exhausting. I hate that the loudest part of fandom are these kids who come into my space and the spaces of others to tell me – a 41-year-old lesbian who lived in the Castro at 8 years old and watched her mom nurse dying men – that queer is a slur.

I am nostalgic for the early 2000s when fandom was on LJ and my friendslist was (mostly) queer folks 5-10 years older than me, writing beautiful fic and meta and allowing me to learn from them, make mistakes and grow. I’m a better person because of what being in fandom in those safe places taught me and I hate that it’s so much harder to find those places now.

I wish so much that things were different with regard to fandom. I suppose that’s why I’m trying, once again, to make this a place where I can share my thoughts and not have to worry that the only interaction will be 3 anons calling me a terrible person.

I don’t make a habit of “screaming into the void” because I try to be optimistic, for no other reason than my life is easier when I am. I don’t think LJ was perfect. But I miss being able to explore my own identity, my own likes and dislikes, fantasies and kinks through fic and posts and interactions with others, without having it turned into judgment about the kind of person I am.

Comments

[shipperslist]

Nostalgic for a time when Tumblr tags weren’t filled with “r*pe tw” and stupid words like “unalive,” when we didn’t have to bite our tongue and watch what we say so we aren’t dragged through mud because we dare to have an opinion that goes against whatever the morality police are hissing about at the moment.

This happens on instagram too because the algorithm flags and hides posts that have certain words in them, including but not limited to sex, sex ed, death, rape, anorexia, die, jesus, and drag. Oh, and also everything that has to do with fat positivity. *rolls eyes*

I want to write loving, sexy porn between a fictional seventeen-year-old and his twenty-one-year-old boyfriend. And it’s exhausting. I hate that the loudest part of fandom are these kids who come into my space and the spaces of others to tell me – a 41-year-old lesbian who lived in the Castro at 8 years old and watched her mom nurse dying men – that queer is a slur.

As someone who has written a literal teenager/a man in his 30s, this is so wild. KimChay has a four years age difference and 17 is almost legally adult. Argh.

Also, the worry trolling is so tiring. And children who have no fucking clue of how the world actually works, let alone have any knowledge of history, double argh.

[elliebird]

I didn't realize that's where it comes from. I understand why they do it over there but I wish that people who choose to spend time on Tumblr would put in the effort to understand how it's used and the culture.

As someone who has written a literal teenager/a man in his 30s, this is so wild. KimChay has a four years age difference and 17 is almost legally adult. Argh.

EXACTLY. I don't understand it. (Also, I'm nostalgic for the time when I literally wrote 13 year old/18 year old incest porn and the comments were "this is so hot omg." I don't think I could post something like that these days without locking it down and turning off comments.)

[shipperslist]

Also, I'm nostalgic for the time when I literally wrote 13 year old/18 year old incest porn and the comments were "this is so hot omg." I don't think I could post something like that these days without locking it down and turning off comments.

Hm. I think that depends on the fandom, honestly. Or I might also think about times six+ years past.