Snowflake Challenge #3
Jan. 5th, 2023 06:38 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
elliebirdIn your own space, Scream Into the Void. Get it all out.
Maybe not so much screaming as waxing nostalgic for a time when young people weren’t going around screaming “pedophile” at authors.
Nostalgic for a time when Tumblr tags weren’t filled with “r*pe tw” and stupid words like “unalive,” when we didn’t have to bite our tongue and watch what we say so we aren’t dragged through mud because we dare to have an opinion that goes against whatever the morality police are hissing about at the moment.
Nostalgic for writing underage (or RPF or a dozen other things) without having to lock down the fic, moderate comments and disclaim any bashing will be deleted.
I have found a new fandom and for the first time in years, I’m having fun writing and commenting, and engaging. But every time I sit down to write, I censor myself. I want to write loving, sexy porn between a fictional seventeen-year-old and his twenty-one-year-old boyfriend. And it’s exhausting. I hate that the loudest part of fandom are these kids who come into my space and the spaces of others to tell me – a 41-year-old lesbian who lived in the Castro at 8 years old and watched her mom nurse dying men – that queer is a slur.
I am nostalgic for the early 2000s when fandom was on LJ and my friendslist was (mostly) queer folks 5-10 years older than me, writing beautiful fic and meta and allowing me to learn from them, make mistakes and grow. I’m a better person because of what being in fandom in those safe places taught me and I hate that it’s so much harder to find those places now.
I wish so much that things were different with regard to fandom. I suppose that’s why I’m trying, once again, to make this a place where I can share my thoughts and not have to worry that the only interaction will be 3 anons calling me a terrible person.
I don’t make a habit of “screaming into the void” because I try to be optimistic, for no other reason than my life is easier when I am. I don’t think LJ was perfect. But I miss being able to explore my own identity, my own likes and dislikes, fantasies and kinks through fic and posts and interactions with others, without having it turned into judgment about the kind of person I am.
Maybe not so much screaming as waxing nostalgic for a time when young people weren’t going around screaming “pedophile” at authors.
Nostalgic for a time when Tumblr tags weren’t filled with “r*pe tw” and stupid words like “unalive,” when we didn’t have to bite our tongue and watch what we say so we aren’t dragged through mud because we dare to have an opinion that goes against whatever the morality police are hissing about at the moment.
Nostalgic for writing underage (or RPF or a dozen other things) without having to lock down the fic, moderate comments and disclaim any bashing will be deleted.
I have found a new fandom and for the first time in years, I’m having fun writing and commenting, and engaging. But every time I sit down to write, I censor myself. I want to write loving, sexy porn between a fictional seventeen-year-old and his twenty-one-year-old boyfriend. And it’s exhausting. I hate that the loudest part of fandom are these kids who come into my space and the spaces of others to tell me – a 41-year-old lesbian who lived in the Castro at 8 years old and watched her mom nurse dying men – that queer is a slur.
I am nostalgic for the early 2000s when fandom was on LJ and my friendslist was (mostly) queer folks 5-10 years older than me, writing beautiful fic and meta and allowing me to learn from them, make mistakes and grow. I’m a better person because of what being in fandom in those safe places taught me and I hate that it’s so much harder to find those places now.
I wish so much that things were different with regard to fandom. I suppose that’s why I’m trying, once again, to make this a place where I can share my thoughts and not have to worry that the only interaction will be 3 anons calling me a terrible person.
I don’t make a habit of “screaming into the void” because I try to be optimistic, for no other reason than my life is easier when I am. I don’t think LJ was perfect. But I miss being able to explore my own identity, my own likes and dislikes, fantasies and kinks through fic and posts and interactions with others, without having it turned into judgment about the kind of person I am.